Maximus Wonder

Eyes wide,  discovering for the first, second and third time those that are as new as the morning glance.

 Lips suspended high in a crescent grin, glazed over with hunger to say what can only be explained with nonsensical syllables.

 Ears, small megaphones itching from the never ending choral overload, waiting for a gentle hush of familiarity. 

Hands. Strong impostors able to hold without force.  Miniature clamps comforting me one finger at a time.

     How wonderful it must be to wake up every few hours for the first time.  To employ every breath with awe and bewilderment.    How much makes sense?  How much has to?  Teach me how to live like you again and please never unlearn what you know in this moment.

It's not easy being Sheen

   So I'm sitting in my living room with my Dad flipping back and forth between two basketball games; Lakers vs Heat, and Notre Dame vs Cincinnati.  I have been patiently waiting for both of these games because I would like to see the Irish win and move up in the rankings (considering Pitt lost to Uconn earlier today) and I would LOVE to see the Heat continue their losing streak.  As I sit here thinking about something to type a new flash about the infamous Charlie Sheen came across the TV screen.  Now before going any further I must preface by saying I haven't followed the Sheen craze too closely, but like everyone else I haven't been able to hide my eyes from the erie present of Sheen in the media.   I can't help but be interested in the self destructive behavior, and commentary that has accompanied Mr. Sheen over the past few weeks.  Now I could simply express my opinion on the whole issue, and what I believe should happen concerning the near future of Sheen, however I feel it would be more interesting and enlightening (to me at least) to find some connection between the opening of this blog and my endless rant that has someone ended up in left field with Charlie Sheen as the outfielder.  

     Do we care more about winners, or do we focus our energy on those we would rather see fail?  Contemplating this question, I have to admit that I have been much more interested in the Heat losing than the Irish winning.  Is this just me? If it was, why is Charlie Sheen plaster all over the media?   Despite the number of time the word "Winning" has come out of Mr. Sheen's mouth, to the rest of society it is clear he is losing.  He is losing his family, he is losing whatever chance he has at continuing his career, and according to many psychologist he is losing his mind.  I realize that when Sheen first started his downfall it was news, change to the norm, and therefore it constituted mass media coverage.  However with it being two weeks into this one man reality show I can't help but think we all just want to see how low Charlie Sheen can go.  It's very similar to my own interest in seeing how long the Heat's losing steak will go.   Do we hope for losers?  

      Reflecting on the most popular reality TV episodes, the hottest new stories and the most followed sports stories all finger seem to point towards the negative.  Why is this?  Do we need to focus on other people's misfortune to make us feel fortunate?  Are we a generally pessimistic society that is drawn to the half empty glasses around us?    Are we the ever eager eyes that have influence the fall of Charlie Sheen?  After all, he is getting more camera time now than he ever did as a successful actor.  So if we are measuring success by the time spend on a TV screen, he is the most successful actor of the past two weeks.  Maybe we need to praise a more optimistic outlook.  

      I have heard "No news is good news".  I think we have let go of that mindset.  Now a more accurate saying is "Bad news makes good news".  I'm wondering "is there room for good news". I'm sure there is, we just need to share Charlie Sheen's camera time with something a little bit more uplifting. 

Pixelated faces

    So, this is something I have been thinking about a lot over the past semester.  I only write about it now, because sitting at my desk tonight waiting for Pandora Radio to load I find myself wishing for someone to hangout with.   It seems when I am home in PA I don't really enjoy dealing with people face to face.  When I try to connect with people here there seems to be a fake sheen blinding their eyes and littering whatever conversation we force between us.  Is this me?  Is it them? Or are we as society loosening our grip on our ability to open up to the people we share life with face to face?
    Why do we raise the curtains from infront of ourselves over facebook and twitter while finding it hard to raise our faces towards each other as we pass on the sidewalk?  Why have our thumbs replaced our voices? Is LOL, OMG and TTYL safer than hearing someone's voice in your ear?   This very blog is a perfectly framed picture exposing my security infront of a computer screen, a screen that won't judge or hold me accountably for my own thoughts.  I don't have to worry about having conviction behind what I say because my computer is all too agreeable.  I will be the first to say that I have held many a morning conversation with the pavement I walk on instead of facing the reality that I share that pavement with others.   However, I must admit that no matter how long that concrete path is willing to listen, when I reach my destination my thoughts still remain my own and I feel unsatisfied with the advice I have received along the way.
       I see people living vicariously through cartoon characters and needing costumes to connect with others and I wonder if the pixelated virus has infected their whole personality and made it impossible for them to grasp anything real.
       I have even seen faith create a wall between people higher than St. Peter's church.  I have family who are blinded by their own righteousness.  They believe they are following  God's plan by arrogantly praying repetitious prayers for their fellow man.  They forget that we are our own answered prayers for our fellow man.  But if we are too afraid to face the reality of world hand and hand, then I fear prayers will only go so far.

   So on this Ash Wednesday,  I charge myself to reach out, to look up, and connect with people face to face.  I will open my ears to the voices around me listen as honestly and compassionately as I can.

    Let's see if there is still a "social network" beyond the computer screen.

Lent Begins

So,  I know that Lent is still one day away.  However, I want to share the beginning of my journey.  I always give up facebook for Lent because like most people I spend way too much time stalking my friends, looking at pictures, and aimlessly procrastinating when I could be getting work done.  This year, I plan to take back that time and grow in my relationship with God.  I have gotten away from internal reflection.  Now more than ever, whether for acting purposes or connecting with my spiritual life, I need to ground myself and do a lot more exploration on the inside.  With all the work that seems to take over during the week, I find the time I feel the most calm is Sunday after church.  I think that is because its the only time I feel comfortable opening up my heart to others.  I feel safe in church, however I also feel challenged.  I also seem to be weighed down when I walk into church, but God slaps me in the face with what I really need to hear and that is so powerful to me.  When I walk out of church, I have a conviction to be a better person.  Sadly by the next weekend life has drained me of that conviction and I need another dose of wisdom from the mout of God.  My hope is to use my time wasted on facebook to focus on God and gain a consistent conviction that will stay with me.  With any luck I will find a deep conviction that will become a mental and emotional backbone for who I am.

I'm also giving up Starbucks, and Alcohol........ SAY SOME PRAYERS FOR ME!

Have a happy and holy lenten season!